Sunday, September 27, 2009

New Beginnings

As a sequel to my last blog, Writing Space, I thought it appropriate to stick with the theme. Because I like the idea that this blog is where I come to have space. Space to think and write and consider how I feel about God and life. It's my personal digital equivalent to an empty beach.
And it's a new beginning. Because these days I don't often make time for my thoughts to engulf me. I'm more likely to switch the thinking part of my brain off, and the tv on. Because being thoughtful makes life complex and difficult, rather than easy. I feel the struggles more, I distinguish shades of gray all over, I challenge myself. And to be faced with these difficult, confronting thoughts is not often a pleasant experience.
But there's no escaping the fact that I am a thoughtful person. As good as I am at avoidance (that is, very good indeed), my thoughts always catch up with me. And if I don't make time for them, they do it when it is most incovenient (for example, 3 am). So I'm re-opening the space for my thoughts to sit with me. A new beginning.
I love new beginnings. Crisp sheets of white paper, newly sharpened pencils, unread books. They hold the promise of possibilities yet unrealised. They thrill me because I don't know what I'm going to uncover, what opportunities may arise.
I love also, the sense of letting go of the past. Of the crumpled and blotchy sheets of paper, of half read books, of missed opportunities. I love feeling empowered to let go of all past mistakes, to no longer define myself by the cringe-memories, the time wasted, the self-indulgences. I so value the opportunity a new beginning provides to set the resolution to be unhampered by the self-perceptions that have arisen from all those failures.
It's exciting, I think. Like beginning a new (fabulous) job, or starting a new book by a favourite author. Who knows what I may uncover in the space that I have given myself?